Dec. 14, 2012, was one of the happiest days of my life. I gave birth to my baby boy early in the morning and experienced a sense of gratitude I didn’t know was possible.
Then, just one hour later, a horrific school shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary destroyed lives and families.
When Hudson came into this world I witnessed a miracle, experienced a deeper belief in a higher power and felt profound love. That joy and happiness quickly turned to fear and deep sadness when I saw the devastation caused by a madman. I learned how the most intense love can be ripped away from parents, leaving them with sorrow in their heart the size of the Grand Canyon.
I didn’t turn the TV back on for the next two weeks. I wanted to live in my bubble of happiness and pretend the Newtown shootings were just a bad dream. How could one day mark such joy for some and such sadness for others? It also caused me to think about the immense responsibility I have to raise a kind and generous soul in our society. How do I keep this boy, so innocent and perfect at the start of life, as precious and good his whole life?
Sadly, I know my son’s birthday will always leave me with a heavy heart for those moms, dads and siblings.
I felt a sense of guilt yesterday morning singing joyously with my son while we made Mickey Mouse pancakes on his third birthday — knowing so many parents in Connecticut must have wanted to just stay in bed and wished Dec. 14 wasn’t the third anniversary of their nightmare.
While I hate that my son’s birthday is marked by such tragedy and devastation, I am forced to remind myself how quickly it can all be taken away, and that I must cherish every moment. So many lives were lost and ruined that day and I must always remember that we are all on borrowed time.
Jaclyn Cashman co-hosts Morning Meeting from 9am to noon on Boston Herald Radio. Follow her on Twitter @JaclynCashman.
Copyright © 2024 Jaclyn Cashman.
