Cashman: Oh, those poor little rich kids

 Ever wonder why the Trump kids are so poised and successful? Don’t look to the Tweeter in Chief for why they turned out so well. The original Mrs. Donald Trump — Ivana — informs us in her new tell-all, “Raising Trump,” that’s her handiwork.

Ivana Trump stayed mum during the presidential campaign. Most Americans just know that she lived with The Donald, bore him three children, came to loath him, got a massive divorce settlement out of him after he ran off with Marla Maples, and still lives a life utterly unlike theirs. Now this working mom — she started her own apparel and perfume line — has pulled back the veil on the glitzy, jewel-studded, big-haired life the media has portrayed for decades.

The Donald, she claims, was more or less an absentee dad, famously off cutting his deals and slapping the Trump name in big gold letters on everything he could. Ivana wants us to know that if she was a fabulously wealthy and glamorous mom, she was first and foremost a mom who wanted her kids to succeed. Someone had to do it, and that was her. In fact, “Raising Trump” is almost a parent how-to for the .001 percent.

Helicopter parent? Oh yeah.

“My version of helicopter parenting was to bring the kids to work with me in the Trump chopper,” confides Ivana, who during the marriage worked in the family business.

Before you get the idea that these rich kids were pampered, be aware they had daily chores just like everyone else,

“I happen to believe that chores can be therapeutic, and kids thrive when they have a sense of personal responsibility and a clear understanding of what’s expected of them,” Ivana writes.

They took out the trash. That meant dealing with raccoons in the wilds of Connecticut. They walked Choppy the Trump family pooch — a plucky little black lapdog. If the kids made a mess, the kids had to clean it up.

It was all part of instilling a work ethic in young people who, theoretically, with a billionaire dad, might expect they would never have to.

Ivana informs us she allowed her children to enjoy the family wealth but always let them know the money wasn’t theirs. That lifestyle of their rich and famous mom was on loan, and they would need to make their own.

“I lived well and enjoyed my luxuries, but the kids understood that I’d earned them through hard work. What I shared with them didn’t belong to them,” Ivana writes.

And, she suggests, that’s what strengthened their drive. They wanted the same wealth for themselves.

Despite boasting her excellent parenting skills, she admits there were some parts of parenting she dreaded. Play dates.

“I avoided play dates like the plague…. I did discourage playdates at Trump Tower. The triplex was just too huge and lavish.”

But what’s a tell-all without a little dirt?

Ivana opens up with her disdain for “the show girl” a.k.a. Marla Maples.

“After the show girl got pregnant and had a daughter, Donald married her,” Ivana sniffs. “The whole world was watching. He couldn’t not wed the mother of his new baby, regardless of whether his heart was really in it.”

And speaking of relationships, she had a interesting gauge for her daughter’s marriage.

“I’m not convinced about some of the Orthodox customs, but if Ivanka was willing to give up lobster and bacon, she must really love him,” this loving mom tells us.

And oh, about The Donald, Ivana tells that as bitter as the divorce was, as soon as it was over, they became friends. In fact, she says, to this day the president of the United States includes his ex-wife among those he seeks out for advice.